REFLECTIONS

Why now some may ask? Am I late to the game because I didn't start a blog when I found out I was expecting or once my little dude was born?  Maybe!  I believe everything in life is about timing and doing things when you feel ready.  I'm not the most creative person, or the best writer, but that's not what this is about.  I've been so inspired over the last 18 months by women, especially new moms who have taken to the online world to share their experiences, give advice, showcase their fashion finds and most importantly be vulnerable.  And now I can say, I'm ready to be vulnerable.  To share this crazy, amazing, thrilling, emotional shift in life from being an individual to becoming a mother.  

I've never felt such love, happiness, exhaustion and frustration than I have in the last 18 months. Those are just a few of the feels, this list could go on forever.  To call it a rollercoaster of emotions is an understatement in my opinion.  I went from being an individual, only responsible for myself and no one else, not even my husband.  Yes, we were engaged and going to spend the rest of our lives together, but in reality, he was still his own person, responsible for his own needs and wants, just like I was for myself.  But the minute you hear the words, "Congratulations, you're pregnant," (or see the lines on the stick), your world instantly changes.  I was no longer eating for just myself, I had to make sure I rested, I had to ensure I was getting all the vitamins and nutrients my body needed.  But it wasn't for my body, it was for the little life growing inside me.  My every action always had the question around it, "is this ok for the baby?"  Don't get me wrong, I still lived my life and stayed true to myself.  What I'm trying to say is, you instantly go into protection mode or start to show those motherly instincts.  I wanted to do the best and be the best at making sure my little one was safe, comfortable and healthy.  

Let me tell you, that "protection mode" gets more intense the minute you see their face!  I will never forget the moment I laid eyes on our 6lb 9oz little boy Qaayam (Meaing in Hebrew: Life or livelihood).  I could not believe he was here.  The moment was beautiful, thrilling and scary AF!!!! I had no idea what I was doing, and sometimes I still don't, but I know I wanted to be the best version of myself for him and my husband.  People tell you, "your motherly instincts will kick in", "you'll just know what he needs, you're his mom,"  and it's the most bizarre feeling ever, but you kind of actually do know.  

One thing I told myself when Q was born was don't lose yourself, stay true to you.  I vowed to myself to take time for me, my marriage, my friends and my passions. I've had to let go of a lot of my fears, which I wholeheartedly thank my mama crew and husband for, cause without them I don't know how I could have become the mom I've wanted to be. I've learned and am still learning on a daily basis, that this journey is chaotic, beautiful and freakin' unbelievable in the most challenging and rewarding way.  So cheers to this new adventure I'm undertaking with the blog and I hope you enjoy following along.